An Dublin-city based I.T. specialist has denied rumours that he spends a considerable amount of time behaving in a servile and obsequious manner towards his line-manager.
Clive Kearney (32) who is employed as an Information Technology specialist at one of Dublin’s better-known banks situated in the city’s Docklands has denied accusations made by colleagues at an office drink in Dublin’s Pink Elephant wine bar and bistro that he is “a right shagging arse-licker”.
Not an arse-licker
“There’s no way I’m an arse-licker,” said Kearney as he responded to the allegations made by Sheila, who is a temp in accounts and whose consumption of five Chardonnay’s had given her the Dutch courage to voice what was on everybody else’s mind.
“Ok, I do have a respect for Mr Evans (the aforementioned Line Manager and Section Head) but he’s always been good to me. He even once told me I could call him ‘Sam’ when we were outside of the office,” Kearney said innocently.
Needs to grow a pair
“Yeah, but everyone else calls him the ‘Baldy Auld Shite,’ Shelia retorted. “Jaysus, you’re the only one on the fifth floor that calls him mister in or out of the shagging office,” Sheila said as she placed her hand on the thigh of Brian who was sitting beside her and who she fancied from day one.
“Seriously Clive you really need to grow a pair,” she added while gently stroking Brian’s trouser leg. “Like in all honesty, what’s Baldy ever done for you?” she slurred. At this stage, she was on her fifth white wine after not having a bite to eat all day.
“Well, there was the day he told me I could leave an hour early,” Clive responded. “Oh, for feck sake Clive you idiot. That was the day your wife had the twins. And even then you were in early the next morning to make the time up,” Sheila said.
‘I’m the only one who washes his BMW’
“He respects me,” Clive told his colleagues, “and what’s more, he trusts me. I’m the only one he lets wash his BMW.” Poor Clive, who might be an expert on computers but when it comes to self-respect is a few chips short of a full circuit board.
“Ah Jaysus Clive, your the only one in the shagging company that actually uses their lunch hour to go and wash their boss’s car. Will you get a life? The next you know you’ll be fetching his dry-cleaning.”
“Oh, for the love of all that’s sacred,” exclaimed Shelia. “You’re so far up his arse someday you’ll shagging disappear altogether. I mean Clive, in most jobs the boss will buy the staff a Christmas present or a few drinks, not the other way around,” Sheila argued.
Caddy in the morning
At this stage in the evening, Clive left to go home. We believe his boss had a golf game the following morning and Clive was to caddy for him. We also believe that Brian’s wife came in causing Sheila to quickly rebutton her blouse and head for the loo where she promptly got sick all over the shagging place.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.
