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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Openly farting in front of a partner leads to a longer and healthier relationship, study reveals
    Craic Funny Satire

    Openly farting in front of a partner leads to a longer and healthier relationship, study reveals

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterJuly 21, 2021No Comments3 Mins Read
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    A new study reveals that openly farting in front of a partner leads to a longer and healthier relationship.

    A new study by relationship guru Cynthia Powell claims that couples who ‘get over’ the initial embarrassment of breaking wind in front of each other early in a relationship are more likely to stay together and live healthier lives.

    The controversial New York-based relationship expert Powell made the claim during an interview on the influential Irish Late Late TV chat show.

    Powell, who offers intensive relationship counselling to mainly wealthy American clients, told host Ryan Tubridy, “Once couples get over the initial embarrassment of farting in front of a new partner, it seems to open up a whole new period of openness, honesty, and trust.”

    The health benefits – longer life expectancy

    Who knew?
    Credit: Facebook / @n0rth3rnstar

    M/s Powell, who doesn’t hold a medical degree, also said, “Ok, so I’m no gastrointestinal expert. However, I imagine lying in bed for a few hours and indulging in marathon horizontal jogging – as all new couples do – must surely get the gases bubbling.

    “And as they say, in a relationship, you should never bottle anything up.”

    Powell shocked the audience when she said that “Farting Parties were becoming all the rage in affluent Up-Town New York.”

    She went on to explain, “They have replaced the ‘Swinger Parties’ of the late seventies and early eighties.”

    The sociopolitical influence – and the impact on relationships

    The sociopolitical influence of farting in front of a partner.
    Credit: Pixabay / PublicDomainPictures

    A clearly embarrassed Tubridy asked Powell could she expand on the popularity of the so-called Farting Parties.

    “Why, surely, Ryan,” she replied. “It’s like this, you see, during the swinging sixties in the States we had the whole Kennedy era. We all know the stories. People had that sense of sexual freedom.

    “We sort of lost that during the Regan and Bush administrations, until Clinton was elected – and again, we all know the stories.”

    She continued, “Clinton freed up and liberated the American sexual dream. Now we have Trump – and again, we all know the stories.

    “It’s a whole new revolution. Only this time concerning farting in front of a partner or even in public – well, it seems more accepted.”

    The Irish connection – a country of firsts

    The unlikely connection to Ireland.
    Credit: Pixabay / rwayne307

    Powell went on to compare farting in front of a partner to the situation in Ireland.

    “Let’s face it, Ryan, it is time you Irish laid down your hang-ups about farting,” she said. “Again, let’s face it, you were the first country to introduce gay marriage, you have introduced divorce, and that eighth amendment thing.

    “Come on, Ireland; let go, fart, and be happy.”

    Turning to the panel – influential opinions

    Ryan Tubridy hosted the conversation on farting in front of a partner.
    Credit: Flickr / William Murphy

    M/s Powell then turned to the show’s panel of invited guests: Gerry Adams, Fianna Fail’s Willie O’Dea, Bono, Christy Moore. She then invited them to fart on the national airwaves!

    Surprisingly, only Adams declined. He said, “I never was, nor have I ever, been a farter, and I totally deny all such allegations.”

    Cynthia Powell will be signing copies of her new book entitled Flatulence, Freedom, and Love this coming week at Eason’s O’Connell Street.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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