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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Over half of South Dubliners ‘wouldn’t be seen dead’ in Limerick, survey reveals
    Craic Satire

    Over half of South Dubliners ‘wouldn’t be seen dead’ in Limerick, survey reveals

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterJuly 2, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
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    A detailed opinion survey has revealed that more than half of those surveyed in South County Dublin would never consider moving to Limerick.

    The results of the in-depth survey carried out on behalf of RTE shows that 71% of those surveyed in South Dublin believed that Limerick is not a city they would move to.

    The poll carried out for the RTE Claire Byrne Live Program set out to discover Dublin People’s secondary choice of hometown. A sample base of 10,000 South Dubliners was polled by market research group Target Research. 

    The results which allowed for relevant comments showed interesting findings among those who might consider leaving South Dublin.

    I’d feel safer in Syria

    Out of the 71% of negative respondents, 48% polled said that they would fear for their safety.

    “That’s the place they call ‘Stab City’ isn’t it? I’d feel safer in Syria” commented Fiachra O Neill a thirty-year-old Foxrock native.

    “I was thinking it might be nice, what with all those Munster rugby types,” was an opinion of Cynthia Murphy (29) of Ballsbridge. “Until Alison told me they don’t do Starbucks. I mean, honestly no cappuccino, seriously? That’s a big No-No.”

    A Lovely Place to Visit

    “I did a stag night there once,” Trevor O’Brien (31) of Dalkey wrote. “It was exciting — like an adventure weekend on Mount Etna. You know it’s fairly calm but you are constantly waiting for the eruption.

    “The lads in the squash club couldn’t believe that I actually did it but I’m like that, adventurous, next year I’m going shark diving. Would I live there? I’m afraid it has to be a NO for me.”

    Fashion Concerns

    The poll also revealed that fashion consciousness among South Dubliners was a dividing factor in their decision.

    65% of the negative comments from female respondents related to living in a city where women do the weekly shop wearing pyjamas.

    However, 42% of men thought that wearing a bullet-proof vest was “cool.”

    The survey also revealed that of the 29% of South Dubliners that would consider moving to Limerick most of these positive responses came from two distinct groupings. Firstly, newly qualified criminal legal-aid lawyers, hoping to kick-start their careers and secondly, architectural students studying urban decay.

    Reaction in Limerick

    Surprisingly reaction to the survey among Limerick people was muted, with most Limerick citizens we spoke to ‘not giving a damn.’

    “Ah Shur, we’re fairly used to it Sham,” was the reaction of Limerick man Seaney Sweeney of Garryowen. If it’s not RT-fecking- E, doing a bloody survey, its fecking TV3 doing another shagging gangland crime documentary.

    That young-fella Paul Williams must own fecking shares in the place. Anyway, most of the trouble in the city is confined to the two outer suburbs — Clare and Tipperary.” he half-joked.

    Neither the Mayor nor any other members of Limerick City Council were available for comment — they are all in Kilkee for the summer.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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