Former Irish International and Manchester United player Roy Keane is reported to have cut off all ties from his ten-year-old son.
Reports have come in that former Irish International and Manchester United player Roy Keane cuts ties with his son after a poor performance in a school soccer game.
Keane cited “utter and complete disgust” with the Sean’s soccer performance after the boy had been playing for the Cobh Rovers under eleven schoolboys team.
Breaking news – local parish newsletter reports
The Cobh Journal, the local parish newsletter, reporter Tiernan O’Shea who was covering the match, told us, “Young Sean was playing as a midfielder for Rovers.
“It was a tension-filled u11 quarter-final against Kinsale in the West Cork Jack Lynch/Terence MacSwiney/Rory Gallagher memorial cup.
“We have so many heroes in Cork we need to triple up on the memorial cups,” he explained.
“Anyway,” O’Shea continued. “Young Sean Keane was playing a blinder – just like his father did in the 1989 match against Douglas United.
“When all of a sudden and just ten minutes into the first half, like, he was subjected to a massive hard, dirty filthy tackle from ‘Killer O’Brien’, the son of ‘Bruiser O’Brien’, a lobster fisherman from Kinsale.
“Jaysus, you could hear the bone crack from the sidelines,” the parish’s leading soccer pundit continued.
“But in fairness to the child, he kept on playing, fighting back the tears for the remaining eighty-minutes even though he wasn’t playing his usual game.
“He even refused a sip of Club Orange at half-time. There’s bravery for you!” O’Shea concluded.
It has subsequently emerged that young Sean suffered a trimalleolar fracture, breaking three bones in his ankle.
Responds to criticism – Keane says he is not here to make people happy
Responding to criticism from Rovers fans on his refusal to bring his son to Supermacs after the match as he had promised and the banning of the child from all future family activities, Roy Keane said:
“I’m not here to make people happy. I was here to watch my son play football the Keane way, and quite frankly, it was embarrassing.
“His performance was not something I could be associated with, so I have to cut ties with Sean. I wish him all the very best in his career and future endeavours.
“I don’t think some of the people who come to Cobh Rovers can spell ‘football’, never mind understand it. So, I’m not worried about what their other parents think. I’m not here to keep everyone happy.”
He repeated comments he once made as a player.
“No son of mine will ever limp off a pitch. The Keanes are the ones that make the others limp, and the sooner he learns that, the better.
“If it has to be the hard way, well, then it has to be the hard way.”
Normally a proud dad – disappointing performances
Roy went on to say, “Normally, I’m a proud dad, but Sean’s performances recently haven’t been anything to be proud of. I warned him, and he let me down for the last time.”
Meanwhile in Ireland sports department understand that young Sean Keane has subsequently apologised to his dad and has promised to wash Roy’s boots for two months along with accepting the two weeks no pocket money fine.
Despite reports that Roy Keane cuts ties with his son after school soccer game, Roy and Sean are about to publish a new joint authored book, ghost-written by Eamon Dunphy, School Boy Soccer: The Rough and Smooth.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.