Sinn Féin has excitedly announced the introduction of an ‘Irish Language Droid’ as part of the ‘New Decade, New Approach’ agreement that was brokered between the North’s main parties and the British and Irish Government’s last month.
In a spectacular gain for the Republican party, the new Droid will act as a “gaeilge enforcer” to ensure that the language receives the parity of esteem it deserves across the six counties.
Acht na Ghaeilge anois
People within the North of Ireland have been calling for an Irish Language Act to be introduced for a number of years now in order to safeguard the interests and rights of the language and its speaking community.
The Irish-speaking community has grown in force over the years, buoyed mainly by the heroic actions of Arlene Foster when she referred to them as “crocodiles”.
The lack of an Act has been a sticking point for the last three years and ever since the Assembly was brought down in January 2017, making the Sinn Féin announcement that a ‘Droid’ was to be used all the more remarkable.
Negotiations
After the December 12th election was held, negotiations began on trying to establish the restoration of the Assembly and the institutions in the North of Ireland.
In a move that took all sides of the negotiation by surprise, Sinn Féin said that they were demanding that an ‘Irish Language Droid’ be established in order to enforce any potential Irish language act.
Sinn Féin were of the opinion that the use of such technology was simply “moving with our modern times” and was making a clean break with the “outdated use of administrative and civil service-type enforcement roles”.
What will the droid do?
A hot topic that is now raging among the political commentariat is what exact role the Droid will play. Experts believe that the Droid will give citizens 15 seconds to reply in Irish or otherwise face extermination, in what will be its most robust feature.
Other notable features will likely include the forcible removal of any signs which include only the English version of street names and the automatic replacement with bi-lingual signs.
In the most shocking development, the Droid will be tuned to speak like Gerry Adams, giving the Droid “a Republican feel and touch”, according to several party insiders.
‘It was never about equality!’
As expected, the announcement has angered many within the Unionist community. Jim Allister, the don of the TUV, has come out strongly against it, rebuking what he feels is a “deliberate quashing of Britishness in our wee country.
“This cannot stand!” he continued. “It is clear that Sinn Féín never cared about equality! They just want to be in control. Down with the Droid and down with Equality. The only way out of this is majority Unionist rule!”
Fundraiser
Meanwhile in Ireland has since discovered that the new Droid will range in the millions rather than thousands of pounds. Sinn Féin are to hold a fundraiser in the Felon’s Club to obtain the necessary funds, while a tax will be placed on those who refuse to speak the language.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
