A twenty-two-year-old Irish student has single-handedly climbed Dublin’s Spire on O’Connell Street after a night out in the town with fellow students.
Media outlets in Ireland have today been reporting the extraordinary physical feat carried out by Jimmy O’Neill of Clifden, Connemara after he successfully completed the ascension.
Dublin’s Spire stands at 120 meters and is cylindrical in shape. It is an elongated cone of 3m in diameter at the base which narrows to 15 cm at the top.
No previous climbing experience
Jimmy is in his second year of accountancy training in Dublin and until this achievement has had no previous climbing experience, making the feat all the more remarkable.
Speaking to media at the base of the Spire the following Monday morning — Jimmy’s successful conquering of Dublin’s highest peak was carried out in the early hours of Saturday morning — Jimmy was easy-going about what happened.
“It just seemed like a good idea at the time,” he modestly told reporters. “Me and a few of the lads were on our way home after having a rake of pints in O’Donovans and we got sort off lost.
“We knew we were on O’Connell Street because of all the takeaway joints and the fights breaking out every few minutes but we hadn’t a clue how to get back to Portobello.”
A challenge he couldn’t pass up
“I turns to Murph and says ‘if I was back in Connemara now and I was lost, I’d climb to the top of a mountain to get me bearings and then I’d be sorted’.
“So Murph turns back to me and said; ‘Jaysus that’s great you thick gobsh**e but we’re not in fecking Connemara now. I bet you can’t climb to the top of the fecking Spike thingy and suss-out the way home’.
“‘Feck it so’, I says to meself,” Jimmy continued as he outlined the rest of the adventure. ‘I’ll give it a go — shur what’s the worst that could happen?’ I suppose in a way it might have been the Guinness talking,” he meekly admitted.
Base Camp
“We sort of set up a camp at the base. I learned that from watching the Discovery Channel — that’s where they always set up base Camps and off I went.
“The fecking bottom was way too wide for me to get me arms around and I couldn’t get a decent grip on it. ‘Jaysus I’m fecked’ I thought to meself until Rosie took off her bra and threw it to me.
“I swung the bra around a few times like your-man Indiana Jones until it wrapped itself around the Spire and I started shimmying up. It didn’t take long till I was about halfway up and I was able to use the bra cups as a sort of suction devices to get a handhold on.”
No further plans to climb
After reaching the summit Jimmy took a few selfies on his mobile and figured out which way it was to Portobello. He then slid back down and chivalrously helped Rosie put her bra back on.
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that Rosie and Jimmy have a date next Saturday night but that no further climbing is planned despite the heroics of the latest adventure.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
