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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Tory Brexiters Angry at UK Being Forced by EU to Pay for Notre-Dame Repairs
    Craic Satire

    Tory Brexiters Angry at UK Being Forced by EU to Pay for Notre-Dame Repairs

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterApril 16, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Tory Brexiters are angry as it has emerged that the EU expects the UK to pay for the repairs to the Notre-Dame de Paris following the fire that engulfed the iconic cathedral.

    Angry scenes erupted in Westminster Parliament today forcing Speaker of the House John Bercow to suspend parliament after at least 26 Tory backbenchers refused to resume their seats as shouting, heckling and even the occasional fistfight erupted.

    “Order, Order!!” Mr Bercow shouted to absolutely no avail before being taken away by ambulance after being hit in the head by a flying shoe which was allegedly thrown at him.

    Meanwhile in Ireland News (MIIN) can report that the angry exchange follows rumours that have circulated throughout London early this morning.

    The rumours are that the UK are to be forced to contribute upwards of €200 million (£180 Million Sterling) as an EU initiative comes into effect to repair the damage caused by Monday’s fire at Notre Dame Cathedral Paris.

    MIIN has learned that a leak occurred after a Teleconference involving the 27 EU heads of government took place late last night over WhatsApp.

    It appears that British PM Teresa May has been blocked from the WhatsApp leaders group and unfriended on Facebook so was unaware of the developments.

    French President Emmanuel Macron is reported to have asked the other 27 leaders to have “a bit of a whip-around” to help rebuild the famous Catholic Cathedral and world heritage site.

    A spokesperson for Macron stated that “We might as well get as much out of the Brits before they eventually leave the union.

    After all, if it wasn’t for them and their silly religious reformation we wouldn’t have needed great big cathedrals, simple little churches would have sufficed — but no, Henry the 8th built his bloody great big prod cathedrals and of course we were forced to follow suit. So we’re going to add the €200 million on to what they already owe us.”

    In a related development, DUP MP and ‘Born Again Christian’ Sammy Berkley interrupted his daily rally against Same-sex marriage in north Antrim to take to social media claiming that the fire was, in fact, an act of God and not a construction accident as first reported.

    He claims that the mainstream news reporting of the incident is “fake news.”       

    “It is obvious to all God-fearing Christians that it was the Almighty Himself who brought about this fire to what is Europe’s largest Papist edifice.” He tweeted.

    “The flames were as bright as the gates of hell!” He continued ” is that not surely a sign from the Almighty?……Let it burn I say! Burn and Let judgement be upon us all!!

    Teresa May was reportedly having her hair done and unavailable for comment.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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