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    Meanwhile in Ireland
    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Dublin landlord claims €4,000 per month one room basement flat is ‘a bargain’
    Craic Satire

    Dublin landlord claims €4,000 per month one room basement flat is ‘a bargain’

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterSeptember 23, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
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    A Dublin Landlord is standing over his decision to charge €4000 per calendar month for a one-bedroom basement flat in a property he owns in Ranelagh.

    The landlord, Thomas Birmingham, defended what some commentators are calling “an enormous and obscene” hike of two hundred per cent by saying he is only responding to market demand.

    “If I can make money before this present bubble bursts, then well, good for me.”

    Birmingham is the owner of some five similar properties in the South City reputed to have been bought in the last few years from various vulture funds.

    In it to Make Money, not Friends

    “It’s not my fault,” Birmingham told reporters “if people can’t keep up with their mortgage payments, well that’s their tough luck. — I’m in it to make money, not friends.

    “Ok, so I know a few buddies working in the banks who tip me off when a cheapy comes on the market. Nothing wrong in that, is there?”

    A Chic Apartment

    The flat in question is advertised on Duff.ie as being “a chic lower-ground floor apartment in the South Dublin suburb of Ranelagh, Unencumbered by views the flat is conveniently located to the local all-night fast-food shops. The flat boasts both running water and metered electricity and was totally refurbished in 1986.”

    Economics

    In a report carried out for Meanwhile in Ireland, economist Dr Frank O’Driscoll stated:

    “This is the average price for lettings in Dublin, which have increased for thirty-one consecutive quarters in a row.”

    The report also states that the “basic laws of economics” are applying in Dublin’s rental market.” Dr O’Driscoll explained, “If renters are stupid enough to pay obscene prices for what is little more than a dark, dingy shoebox, well, you’ll find plenty of rich fat-cats willing to make the fast-buck.”

    We Investigate

    Posing as a newly married couple, two Meanwhile in Ireland News investigative reporters arranged a viewing of the property.

    Our undercover reporters, Joseph and Mary, were told by Birmingham that he had as he put it “a strict policy of not renting to pregnant women as the combination of crying children and the paper-thin walls of the flat in question caused annoyance.”

    He did, however, offer them overnight accommodation in an adjoining disused stable to the rear of the property.

    Meanwhile in Ireland contacted both Dublin City Council Planning and Housing offices, and one official said. “Jaysus, not that Birmingham fella again, will he never quit?

    We condemned that building three years ago. Especially the basement, God when it rains you’d need Wellington boots just to get out of bed.”

    As our reporters left the area, they did notice two pest control teams being chased by massive rats down the front steps.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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