A Dublin Landlord is standing over his decision to charge €4000 per calendar month for a one-bedroom basement flat in a property he owns in Ranelagh.
The landlord, Thomas Birmingham, defended what some commentators are calling “an enormous and obscene” hike of two hundred per cent by saying he is only responding to market demand.
“If I can make money before this present bubble bursts, then well, good for me.”
Birmingham is the owner of some five similar properties in the South City reputed to have been bought in the last few years from various vulture funds.
In it to Make Money, not Friends
“It’s not my fault,” Birmingham told reporters “if people can’t keep up with their mortgage payments, well that’s their tough luck. — I’m in it to make money, not friends.
“Ok, so I know a few buddies working in the banks who tip me off when a cheapy comes on the market. Nothing wrong in that, is there?”
A Chic Apartment
The flat in question is advertised on Duff.ie as being “a chic lower-ground floor apartment in the South Dublin suburb of Ranelagh, Unencumbered by views the flat is conveniently located to the local all-night fast-food shops. The flat boasts both running water and metered electricity and was totally refurbished in 1986.”
In a report carried out for Meanwhile in Ireland, economist Dr Frank O’Driscoll stated:
“This is the average price for lettings in Dublin, which have increased for thirty-one consecutive quarters in a row.”
The report also states that the “basic laws of economics” are applying in Dublin’s rental market.” Dr O’Driscoll explained, “If renters are stupid enough to pay obscene prices for what is little more than a dark, dingy shoebox, well, you’ll find plenty of rich fat-cats willing to make the fast-buck.”
Posing as a newly married couple, two Meanwhile in Ireland News investigative reporters arranged a viewing of the property.
Our undercover reporters, Joseph and Mary, were told by Birmingham that he had as he put it “a strict policy of not renting to pregnant women as the combination of crying children and the paper-thin walls of the flat in question caused annoyance.”
He did, however, offer them overnight accommodation in an adjoining disused stable to the rear of the property.
Meanwhile in Ireland contacted both Dublin City Council Planning and Housing offices, and one official said. “Jaysus, not that Birmingham fella again, will he never quit?
We condemned that building three years ago. Especially the basement, God when it rains you’d need Wellington boots just to get out of bed.”
As our reporters left the area, they did notice two pest control teams being chased by massive rats down the front steps.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.