
A Dublin landlord has appeared before the Irish Tenancy Commission accused of sexual harassment. Simon Cuddy (55) of Crossfield Villas, Rathmines, appeared before the Commission last Friday accused of offering a reduced rental rate to young men in return for sexual favours.
Tommy Smith (25), a former tenant of Cuddy, gave evidence before Commission Chairman James Peterson. “I should have known something was funny when I applied by WhatsApp after seeing the ad for a one-bedroomed bed-sit in Rathmines.
“’Twas fairly cheap alright but in hindsight when he messaged me and asked me to send a copy of me recent payslip, me references and a nude picture of meself it had me worried.”
Seven one-bedroom bed-sits

“Then I thought to meself he probably just wants to check that I’m not one of them immigrant lads – a lot of Dublin landlords are particular about letting property to them fellas,” Smith added.
Smith went on to relate that the main property had been subdivided into seven separate one-bedroom bed-sits and all were occupied by young single male tenants.
“Cuddy came around to collect the rent. He just came in as cool as a breeze and sat down on the side of the bed. I did think it a bit funny alright to see him wearing a silk dressing gown thingy and it only five in the afternoon.
‘Special friends’
“Anyway, he asked me to sit beside him on the bed and he told me that he could do a deal on the rent if he and I were to become ‘special friends’ one night a week.
“To be honest, me being a simple lad just up in Dublin for the first time after never being outside of Mullingar before in me life, I just didn’t understand what he was getting at. That is until he showed me filthy pictures he had in a magazine.”
Case dismissed
In further evidence, it transpired that Cuddy was ‘visiting’ the other six occupants of the building on alternate nights but required Smith to ‘fill the Wednesday night slot’ which was vacant. “There was no way in Hell I was going to be ‘filling any slot’ Wednesday or any other bloody night of the week.

“That’s why I’m looking for me deposit, and month in advance back your Honour, Sir,” said a very distraught Smith. In summing up, Commission Chairman Peterson said. “I can find no reason to order the return of either the deposit or the month’s rent in advance back.
“In fact, I find the landlord’s generosity in offering companionship to lonely young men up from the country quite noble and I can only say that I wish there were more caring landlords like him. Case dismissed.”
Chairman and landlord hand in hand

Meanwhile in Ireland understands that shortly after the Commission, Chairman Peterson made his judgement, himself and the landlord were seen walking hand in hand towards a local wine bar.
We also understand that the Commission Chairman, who was looking for ‘handy’ place to stay the odd night when in the city, will be moving in next week and might ‘fill the Wednesday slot.’ However, the Thursday night ‘slot’ has now become available so if you know anyone who might be interested go on tag them.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.