“I am Elvis’s love child” says forty-year-old Limerick woman

A forty-year-old Limerick woman has revealed that she is convinced that she is the love-child of pop idol Elvis Pressley, following a four-page interview published in this weekend’s Limerick Herald. 

Lisa Marie Fitzgibbon of Springfield Avenue, Garryowen, divulged that her mother Betty once had a passionate affair with the Mississippi born idol Elvis Presley and that she was the issue of that relationship.

Nasty rumours

In an exclusive interview with the Herald’s Finbar Welsh, Ms. Fitzgibbon opened up to the citizens of her city. “The people of Limerick have been speculating for years now as to who was me da,” she said. “Honestly they don’t have all that much to occupy their minds in Limerick.

“I’ve heard all the rumours that my mother – God rest her soul – used to sleep around a fair bit. And that even she didn’t know who my real father was. Or that me da was a married coalman from Ballynanty. 

“But none of them stories is true. Me real Daddy was Elvis. I swears to God,” she said in her unique Limerick accent that sounds halfway between a drunken Kerry cattle dealer and a toothless Clare lobster fisherman.

“Me mother was a decent God-fearing woman. Fair enough, I do remember having a few ‘uncles’ that ‘visited’ me ma for an hour or two a night. Me ma always sent me upstairs when they called around so I never got to meet them,” she innocently told Welsh.

‘Me ma told me so’

During the interview, Welsh asked some deep and probing questions as to how exactly Lisa Marie knew Elvis was her real father. “I knows ‘cos me ma told me,” the Limerick woman replied. 

“She says to me one night when I was about five-years-old and beginning to ask questions, that she met this lad that worked in Donkey Fords, the local chipper.

“Me Ma knew he was Elvis, ‘cos he told her,” she went on. “He told her he was working in a Limerick chipper to get experience for a film he was going to be acting in. And that he had to remain in disguise.”

Knew right away it was Elvis

“Me ma knew straight away he was Elvis. She told me he had a bit of a gut on him and was covered in what looked like gold chains, and the sideburns and everything. He had a seriously strong Limerick accent but you have to remember Elvis was a great actor and he told Ma he needed to remain in character.

“To make a long story short, Elvis bought a few cans and walked me Ma home and he sang a few of his songs for her. But when he sang Wooden Heart she told me ‘her own heart melted’ and she gave herself to him up against the wall of Dooley’s Garage. How romantic is that?” Lisa Marie asked.

“Nine months later I was born,” Lisa Marie revealed. “I never meet me da ‘cos he had to go back to America the morning after he met me ma. At least that’s what he told her, and Ma believed him,” she concluded.

Someone is telling porkies

While having no reason to doubt Lisa Marie’s claim, Meanwhile in Ireland have done the maths. Lisa Marie was forty last year and Elvis died in August 1977 — forty-two-years ago. Someone is telling porkies.