An Irish bar owner who owns and operates an Irish pub in Spain has announced that he is “sick and tired” of having to serve rowdy English customers. Paddy O’Donnell (62) came out publicly with the admission last week.
Paddy took early retirement three years ago and then moved along with his wife Maureen to Southern Europe to run the Durty Molly on the Fuengirola strip in Spain’s Costa del Sol.
Leave their brains behind in Gatwick
Paddy told his friends: “It’s as if they leave their fecking brains behind them in Gatwick or where ever they got their fecking budget flights from. I’m shagging amazed that half of them manage to get on the right plane they’re so pissed on airport booze.
“One bloody couple from Birmingham rolled out of the airport-transfer bus and fell into our place. ‘Here mate,’ the guy shouted at me, ‘give us two pints of bitter and two tequilas and none of that cheap Spanish sh**e, pronto’.
“After ten minutes they were both paralytic and the women had her bloody top off dancing on the table, and a sixty-year-old tattooed overweight blond wearing nothing but the bottom half of a bikini dancing topless is not what you want to see at only eleven in the morning.”
Stag nights the worst
“But the worst shower of them is the fecking stag party crowds. We’ve had so many lads stripped by their drunken mates, then handcuffed to the lamppost outside that we’ve had to buy a bloody big bolt cutter thingy to cut them loose eventually.
“We had one poor lad in here a few months ago; he was so pissed his mates chained him naked to one of the outside tables and left him there for the whole week — if it wasn’t for the kindness of a Swiss couple who fed him once a day he’d have starved.”
The women are just as bad
“And as for the women,” Paddy went on, “they’re just as bad. We had one young-wan from Manchester here with her mates one night. If she went out the back for the auld quickie with one bloke she must have gone ‘out the back’ with a dozen lads.
“It was in for a shot of tequila then a quick flash of the boobs then out again with some other lad then back five minutes later for another shot. She went through a whole bottle of the stuff she did,” Paddy swore to his friends.
Fights every night
“There isn’t a night that goes by that a row doesn’t break out. Honestly, you could set your watch by them. We see them in the morning a few couples who make best-friends with the couple in the next apartment.
“Then they come in here at around two in the afternoon with a flock of kids in tow. Jaysus they’re all the ‘best of mates,’ swapping phone numbers, friending each other on Facebook and that sort of thing.
“Then after a few hours of non-stop beer-guzzling, one of the guys will make a pass at the other lad’s wife and all hell will break loose with punches, kicks and handbags flying.”
Putting the bar up for sale
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that Paddy is currently putting the Dirty Molly up for sale. It is believed that he and his wife Maureen hope to move from Spain to Syria for a quieter life.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.