Irishman dies of starvation after waiting on his wife shopping in Dublin

A married man is reported to have died from starvation after waiting 87 days for his wife to finish shopping in central Dublin.

The story of forty-three-year-old Kilkenny man James Patrick O’Neill has gripped the nation as details of his terrible death on Dublin’s shopping streets emerged.

He’s the 17th Irishman to have died this year as a direct result of waiting for the wife to finish shopping.

‘Dragged Shopping’

Details of the tragedy surfaced when his emaciated remains were found on a bench outside Pennies in Dublin city centre last Friday.

It is believed that O’Neill was dragged on a shopping trip to the capital by his ‘overpowering’ and ‘dominating’ wife.

A Few Bits and Pieces

“I just needed to get a few bits and pieces for the kids going back to school in September.” She told investigating gardaí.

“So I decided to take a trip to Dublin and I wanted James Patrick to carry the bags.”

“In fairness to me, I never intended to spend so long ‘doing’ the shops but shur one thing leads to another. Don’t you know the way it is?” She asked.

“As I was there I decided to look for some Christmas stuff and then, of course, it would have been silly not to get a few things for the Christmas.” The middle-aged Kerry woman told reporters.

God Rest His Soul

“James Patrick had been talking about going off to look at the National Museum.” She said.

“To be honest I couldn’t trust him to get back in time to help carry the shopping — in fairness that’s all he’s good for, I mean that’s all he was good for, God rest his soul.”

“Anyway,” she continued. I decided to chain him to a bench so he wouldn’t wander off, while I spent a few minutes in the shops.

“I did go back with the bags every few days and he seemed fine. He was great at keeping an eye on the bags.

“But anyway again, I saw this lovely frock at half price but couldn’t make up my mind between the red one and the blue one. You know the way it is?” She asked again.

The view of the Pathologist

Consultant pathologist Dr Maria O’Brien told the media, “This is a very common occurrence.” She said.

“It is quite a normal phenomenon for middle-aged women especially ‘up from the country’ losing all track of time when shopping.

“To be honest, eighty-seven-days to buy a few bits and pieces would be quite usual for most women — especially if they are distracted by a frock.”

“Ok,” she added. “Perhaps she should have been more mindful of the health and safety of her husband but you know how it is when you can’t make up your mind about the colour.”

Dublin City Council has immediately responded to the tragedy with a spokesperson promising that city centre husband crèches and drop-off points are soon to be located around the city.