The Irish are known for their wit and humour, and when it comes to Irish jokes, there is one kind that reigns supreme. The Paddy Irishman joke!
From jokes about Irish fondness of alcohol to quips about married life, here are the five best Paddy Irishman jokes.
Whether you need a joke to lighten the mood or break the ice when meeting new people, these are sure to get the whole room laughing.
Meanwhile in Ireland’s top facts about the origins of Paddy Irishman:
- The name Paddy is a diminutive of the Irish name of Padraig, Pádraic, or Páraic, and has been used in both an affectionate and offensive way regarding Irish people.
- Indeed, Padraig, its English version Patrick and thus the nickname Paddy are very popular names across Ireland and for Irish people.
- The term ‘Paddy’ became a slur in England to describe an Irish person, and it thus has xenophobic undertones.
- The Irish have managed to take this slur and turn it into jokes, such as what we have outlined below, to show the Irish don’t take themselves too seriously!
5. The perfect number of shots – perfected the art
First up on our list of best Paddy Irishman jokes is this one about Paddy at the pub.
Paddy, being a typical Irishman, walks into a bar. He sits down and asks for ten shots of the establishment’s finest single malt whiskey.
The bartender pours the shots, and Paddy immediately takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor.
He then takes the last one in the and does the same.
The bartender, shocked, asks him, “Why did you do that?”
Paddy replies, “Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick!”
FOR MORE LAUGHS: 10 jokes about the Irish that will have you in stitches, or have a read of our article on the top 10 most hilarious Irish dirty jokes (laughter guaranteed)
4. Paddy’s wife can’t hear – or can she?
Paddy was worried that his wife Mary’s hearing wasn’t as good as it used to be. So he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Unsure how to bring up the issue with her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor said, “There’s a simple, informal test you could perform to get a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor. “Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone to see if she hears you.”
He continued, “If not, stand about 30 feet away, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
So Paddy left the doctors and decided to head to the pub before going home.
Later that day, when he gets home from the pub, he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner. Standing in the hallway, Paddy thinks to himself; I’m about 40 feet away now. Let’s try this test and see what happens.
In a normal conversational tone, he asks, “Mary, what’s for dinner, my lovely?”
He is greeted with no response, so he moves closer. Stopping at around 30 feet from her, he says, “Mary, what’s for dinner ?”
Still no response, so he moves closer to about 20 feet away.
He asks, for a third time, “Mary, for christ’s sake, can ye be telling me what’s for dinner?”
Still nothing. So he tries again. This time standing again at 10 feet away, but still no response.
So, getting desperate, Paddy walks up, stands directly behind his wife and says, “Mary, can you tell me what’s for dinner?”
She replies, “For feck’s sake, Paddy. For the fifth time, it’s chicken!”
3. Great directions – the quickest way to Cork
Next up on our list of Paddy Irishman jokes is this one that pokes fun at giving directions.
Mick is in Dublin, but he wants to take his family to Cork.
He stops and asks Paddy, “What is the quickest way to Cork?”
Paddy replies, “Are you on foot or in the car?”
Billy replies, “In the car.”
“Well, that’s the quickest way,” says Paddy.
READ MORE: More of our favourite Paddy Irishman jokes
2. Paddy goes to the antiques fair – a valuable item
Paddy brings a massive box to an antiques fair in Dublin.
“Where did you get this?” asks the expert.
“It’s been in my loft for 40 years, to be sure.” replies Paddy, “I think it must be some family heirloom.
“I see,” says the expert. “Tell me, do you have insurance?”
“No,” replies Paddy. “Do you think I should?
“Yeah,” replies the expert. “It’s your water tank.”
1. Bright idea – heading home early
Topping our list of best Paddy Irishman jokes is this one about Paddy and Murphy trying to get off work early.
Paddy and his friend Murphy are working on a building site.
Feeling tired, Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna get the day off.”
Murphy replies, “How?”
Paddy says, “By pretending I’ve gone mad!”
Following up on his claim, Paddy climbs up the ladder, hangs upside down, and shouts, “I’m a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”
Murphy watches on amazed and the foreman shouts, “Paddy, go home. You’ve gone mad.”
Paddy leaves the site and heads home. Murphy then starts packing his kit up to go home too.
“Where do you think you’re going?” asks the foreman.
“Well, I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!” said Murphy.
RELATED: The top 5 Irish jokes that will have you in stitches
Your questions asked about the best Paddy Irishman jokes
Have you read our article on this topic and still have some outstanding questions you would like answered? We have you covered here! In this section, we have put together some of the most commonly asked questions about the best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time to us and from online.
What are Paddy Irishman jokes?
Paddy Irishman jokes are jokes told by Irish people where the stereotypical Paddy Irishman is the butt of the joke. These jokes also often involve Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman.
Do the Irish like telling jokes about themselves?
Irish people are really good at laughing at themselves and not taking things too seriously! You most likely won’t offend an Irishman with one of these jokes!
What is a great one-liner Irish joke?
One of our favourite Irish one-liners is – “How can Irish people tell when its summer? The rain gets warmer”.
