The Irish have a unique sense of humour, and they love a good dirty joke. Here are ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes.
It’s no surprise that the Irish have so many dirty jokes up their sleeve, perhaps more than any other country out there, but it all comes down to our culture and sense of humour. With that in mind, here are ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes.
Irish people regularly take the piss out of each other, but it’s common knowledge that the other person is joking (well, most of the time). So no offence is taken.
Most Irish people are just witty by nature, and the classic one-liners and jokes are sometimes just improvised, perhaps after a few pints. Nevertheless, we are masters of this.
Dirty jokes, to be precise, are as common in Ireland as sheep on a country road, so we just had to create a list of the best to give you a good laugh,
10. Feeling himself – you’d be arrested for less
Paddy drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor.
“What’s the story?” asks Sean when he sees the look on Paddy’s face.
“I haven’t been feeling myself lately,” replied Paddy.
“That’s good,” said Sean. “Sure, you’d be arrested for less!”
9. The sheep – shearing is caring
An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbour’s fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying two sheep in his arms.
“Tony!” he called. “Are you going to shear those sheep?”
“I am not,” the neighbour replied. “They’re both for me.”
8. Wedding night – you know what I want
Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled, and says,
“You know what I want, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole feckin’ bed by the looks of it!”
7. Trainwreck – what’s she like then?
Prepare yourself for this next hilarious Irish dirty joke…
Paddy’s walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track.
He frees her and takes her home, where they make passionate love all night.
The next day Paddy is drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before.
“So what does she look like, Paddy?” asks Seamus.
“I don’t know,” replies Paddy. “I haven’t found her head yet!”
6. The playboys – tally up
Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small-town bar.
Paddy brags, “You know, I’ve had every woman in this town. Except me mammy, of course!”
“Well then,” says Seamus. “Between you and I, we’ve had ’em all!”
5. Jesus – he couldn’t have been Irish
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
He couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
4. The farter – just 67 more
Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. Paddy had never done one, so Mary said she’ll show him.
He lays down, and she squats over him.
As she lowers herself down, she farts. She apologises and try’s again before farting a second time.
Paddy storms out and yells, “Well, I’ll be fecked if I’m sticking around for 67 more of them.”
3. The phone call – sure the coast is miles away
Our next hilarious Irish dirty joke is about an Irish couple.
The couple is in bed when the phone rings at two am.
Paddy answers and replies, “How would I know? That’s 150 miles from here.”
His wife asks who it was, and Paddy responds, “It was some eejit asking if the coast was clear.”
2. The gentleman – it’s the thought that counts
Paddy goes into a Dublin florist and says he wants to buy a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend.
“What is it you’re after?” the shop assistant asked.
“A shag!” replied Paddy.
1. The swingers – there must be a misunderstanding
Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.
After three hours of unforgettable sex, Paddy says, “I wonder how the girls are getting on?”
Well, it’s certainly clear from these ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes that you can’t take things too seriously in Ireland, and you most definitely shouldn’t take any offence.
After all, it’s all about the humour at the end of the day.
There’s really no subject that’s off-limits in Ireland, so be prepared when it comes to dirty jokes. The Irish certainly love to take the piss, but they mean no harm; it’s all just a bit of good old fashioned craic.